the last meal we ever shared
a letter on friendship and the power of the table
I like to think I am a good friend. I try at least. I am not exempt from being a bad one though. I could possibly have hurt someone in a friendship. Protected my ego more than our friendship. Said things in fear or said nothing out of fear. Felt entitled to my doing and let that lead to the outcome of our friendship. I am not exempt from letting it fall apart. But we are here now and I’ve done enough healing to know it is not my job to coax grown up’s to use their words. (including myself so I’m writing it but if you need it to be said let me know) lol
I know some friendships end with all the dramatics but most endings are just a drift. A slow tide out to the ocean. A closure that never comes. Some are in lack of communication. Some are pretending and performing to keep the need of it going. Some have betrayed our trust and have caused some wounds and some just end because we can outgrow each other. Regardless, it ends and we slowly just stop speaking. Some losses bring relief, some an unhealed wound. Friendship break up is a special kind of pain. You’re not alone to feel such a thing.
If you gain anything from this letter it is found in John Chapter 13 to chapter 17 where even as Jesus is on His way to the cross to die for His friends and all of mankind, He washes their feet. It is Maundy Thursday. My favorite day of Holy week. Food, friendship, and forgiveness. Jesus gets up from the table where He is sharing a meal with 12 of His closest friends. He proceeds and begins washing His friend’s feet. A beautiful demonstration of humility and service. Even as He is in the act of washing their feet, He knows that one of his friends will betray Him. Jesus states one of you sitting at this table will betray me. He goes on to say the one whom I give this bread. He hands the bread to Judas Iscariot, son of Simon. It says that Satan himself entered Judas like a demonic takeover. Judas gets up and goes into the night. The tension had to be thick! To have a friend betray you can harden you. And yet Jesus continues to give His friends a long session of explanations, loving instruction and encouragement from the one that loves them the most. What a confusing and overwhelming time for this friendship circle. A million ways for Jesus to have prepared them for whats to come but instead He washes their feet, pours the wine and sets the table.
When Jesus Himself wanted to explain to His disciples what His forthcoming death was all about, He didn’t give them a theory, He gave them a meal.” -N.T. Wright
In the midst of chaos and unknown for these friends, Jesus doesn’t tell them everything but He commands them to love each other like I’ve loved you; to stay close; that some folks will hate you; but there is an advocate I will leave with you; you might get kicked out of faith communities; but take courage– there will be trouble; your grief will become joy. He prays for them to become one, restored to Christ, reconciled to God, and to each other.
Maybe as you read this, you need comfort knowing that some relationships may never be reconciled or restored. It doesn’t make you less of a person, less deserving of grace, less capable of unity, or less filled with faith. It’s okay to free yourself. If you’ve done your best, let it go. Yes, it may be confusing and unclear but some things are out of your control. It’s okay to let it go. The grace of God provides us with closure in the waters of friendships. He doesn’t leave us to ourselves. He is the friend that stays filling us up.
Maundy Thursday is a reminder to let our confusion and grief rest at the table with Christ. To dine, be encouraged, and listen. To gain courage for the days ahead. To let people go, let people come, let people stay. To forgive yourself, forgive others, for being broken, for being in process. And trust that death leads to resurrection.
We are very human. When you catch yourself pondering on how the drift happened, what went wrong, why you're sad, angry, happy about it all— consider reflecting on the people you still have. I am so grateful for the friendships I have today. Even the past ones, it has taught me to value the people that come through my life whether for a moment, or a lifetime. Friendship is the steel rod down our back when we lack courage and can’t see a way forward.
Regardless of our losses, when our world gets turned upside down, call a friend, pour a glass, set the table.
I am writing you love letters from Hilo.
I pray you read this with hope and love. With joy and expectation— knowing Jesus loves you but more importantly He needs you to grow up— in your word reading, praying, believing, hoping, looking for His return.
All my love,
G.
