Log off, delete your whole life.
I deleted my professional instagram. My best friends and sisters hate it. They want to know how anyone is going to read my work, or see that I am a writer. I don’t really have an answer for it, I just know I was ready to let it go. Let’s be clear, not writing but the giving up myself and in return just consuming more. The exchange wasn’t even’d out. I always came out with less. This was a choice and I did something to change the outcome of my heart and writing. So I let go of the page. 2025 will be less consumption.
I organically gained 1800 followers or so. Not a lot but enough to gain confidence in feeling worthy of my work. What a lie to think our gifts are worthy because of man praise. Has it always been an audience of one? Have I become addicted to the validation that I’ve changed His word to match my ego? No more clawing for validation, for sameness where none exists. Isn’t it just tiring? Begging strangers for affirmation. I think I realized a lot of our taste is shaped by an algorithm. I miss the time when our interests were our own, not something fed to us through a screen. I guess too much of anything can be bad. Have the tools given to us for creativity become the master of our lives? Who are we outside of social media? How do we reclaim our time and creativity in a world of endless scrolls? Everything I did was affected by consumption. I came out of my momma womb with expensive taste! (lol) But being in Hawai’i made me realize I was consuming way too much. Consumption is an essential part of our daily lives, as it fulfills our basic necessities and also provides us with enjoyment and convenience. So, is this purchase a basic necessity or a reason to fulfill an insecurity, a fear, a sadness? You don’t actually need it. You don’t need a new car, or the latest phone. You don’t need to buy a house, or need a shopping spree. You don’t need that drink. You need to put your phone down. Sit with God. Sit in silence. You need sun. You need a walk. You need to read your Bible. (you get me?) We discovered art, listened to new music and read life changing books long before social media existed.
My urge to write has catapulted. I’m exhausted from constantly consuming. I can’t blame anyone but myself because consuming is a choice. There is a fear that lurks beneath it: What happens if I stop consuming? Will I lose my inspiration? How will I make money? How will they know I’m a writer? I must tell them, I must do this, purchase that, receive this so they know. Everyone else is surpassing me, I need to get on that level. I need to make more, more, write, write, get, get, go, go, go. It loses its originality.
I feel healthier, mentally and creatively. Over consumption will drive you crazy. I’m learning this. Your life isn’t all about your gifts. LIVE. Find pleasure in the mundane. Lean into the quiet. Not being visible to many eyes has made me focus on what is right in front of me. What do I need to work on. I have better things to do. To love. To cater to. More memories to make. Things to build. Goals to fulfill. Stepping away from dopamine culture is not easy but I’m getting stronger at not letting it control my day. Maybe I’ll come back to my professional Instagram but for now this is my main source of content. This little corner of the internet.
A confession poem from my first published book—
Sometimes I want to delete all my socials.
Get rid of it all.
Stop my eyes from following these stories.
Sit still.
We don’t sit still.
We don’t listen anymore.
We are too busy thinking about what to say.
We talk too much.It’s hysteria.
We dismember emotion.
We love to cancel.
We don’t want to forgive.
We expect grace, but can’t offer the
extension we so readily think we deserve.
We don’t think anymore.
We have all lost our own mind.
We are taught what to think, believe, say, do.
Social media has done a number on our psyche.
There is more.
I asked God,
how can I better serve you today?
He told me,
log off, delete your whole life.
I am writing you love letters from Hilo.
I pray you read this with hope and love. With joy and expectation— knowing Jesus loves you but more importantly He needs you to grow up— in your word reading, praying, believing, hoping, looking for His return.
All my love,
G.
