surely goodness, surely mercy
Leaving LA has changed me. It wasn’t painful but it has been lately. I miss my old life sometimes. My friends. Fancy dinners in the city. In-N-Out, and greasy french fries from Tams with the ranch. I miss my space. My loneliness in LA. The cold air, icey strangers. I miss holiday fits, boots and coats. Will they recognize me when I come back home. Have I lost them to the cold arms of distance? Life has granted permission to test me. It has been asking me to prove whether I am a child of God. Nevertheless I hallow His name. I have left my comfort zone and I can’t visit my friends like before. I have new neighbors. They don’t know me well. My laughter or my sarcasm. I cringe under the belt of change. Comfort is a slow sweet poison of safety. I’ve been assured that change is always needed. And the discomfort shall pass. The faithfulness of God doesn’t leave me in the desert or the city or an island that could possibly look like heaven.
Moving waters away wasn’t the healing I needed but the clarity I sought. All along I was in the wrong place for the last year or so. Even when suffering is inevitable it is still a reward. The pain is a reward that I am more alive than I was before. God is squeezing all of my old habits out of me so that more of Him comes out. If I am honest it is not a fun experience. Yet, God never promised me fun or happiness. He doesn’t owe me ease, nor did He ever promise that this life would be easy because we choose Him. But He did promise me His love, His faithfulness, salvation and right standing with Him! If only I’d get over myself. I am aware of my reality because my eyes are open. I am dying for the billionth time today, tomorrow and forever. Everything I am facing physically, emotionally, spiritually is to be expected for this season of obedience. Right? Life can be lonely. Even in my wonder to wander. In my questions that lead to confusion. I am always at the mercy of God. Seeking is an integral part of love. As is waiting to be found. Timing is everything. We seek God; He seeks us. Holy love is a lot of work. And even in my worry, my anger, my frustration, my mothering, my working, my assisting, my questioning— He leads me and my soul is restored.
I write faithfully in this strange land, holding on to God.
surely goodness, surely mercy, surely goodness, surely mercy they will follow me all the days of my life; -Psalm 23:6
If Jesus is the water then He is the well.
If He is the hunger then He is the food.
If Jesus is the trial then He is the judge.
Then it is so that He will be glorified in His will for my life.
Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
-James 1:4
I am writing you love letters from Hilo.
I pray you read this with hope and love. With joy and expectation— knowing Jesus loves you but more importantly He needs you to grow up— in your word reading, praying, believing, hoping, looking for His return.
All my love,
G.
